1. Behavior
is communication. All behavior occurs for a reason. It tells you, even when
my words can't, how I perceive what is happening around me.
Negative
behavior interferes with my learning process. But merely interrupting these
behaviors is not enough; teach me to exchange these behaviors with proper
alternatives so that real learning can flow.
Start by
believing this: I truly do want to learn to interact appropriately. No child
wants the spirit-crushing feedback we get from "bad" behavior.
Negative behavior usually means I am overwhelmed by disordered sensory systems,
cannot communicate my wants or needs or don't understand what is expected of
me. Look beyond the behavior to find the source of my resistance. Keep notes as
to what happened immediately before the behavior: people involved, time of day,
activities, settings. Over time, a pattern may emerge.
2. Never assume
anything. Without factual backup, an assumption is only a guess. I
may not know or understand the rules. I may have heard the instructions but not
understood them.
Maybe I knew it
yesterday but can't retrieve it today. Ask yourself:
•
Are you sure I really know how to do
what is being asked of me? If I suddenly need to run to the bathroom every time
I'm asked to do a math sheet, maybe I don't know how or fear my effort will not
be good enough. Stick with me through enough repetitions of the task to where I
feel competent. I may need more practice to master tasks than other kids.
•
Are you sure I actually know the rules?
Do I understand the reason for the rule (safety, economy, health)? Am I
breaking the rule because there is an underlying cause? Maybe I pinched a snack
out of my lunch bag early because I was worried about finishing my science project,
didn't eat breakfast and am now famished.
3. Look for
sensory issues first. A lot of my resistant behaviors come
from sensory discomfort.
One example is
fluorescent lighting, which has been shown over and over again to be a major
problem for children like me. The hum it produces is very disturbing to my
hypersensitive hearing, and the pulsing nature of the light can distort my
visual perception, making objects in the room appear to be in constant
movement. An incandescent lamp on my desk will reduce the flickering, as will
the new, natural light tubes. Or maybe I need to sit closer to you; I don't
understand what you are saying because there are too many noises "in
between" – that lawnmower outside the window, Jasmine whispering to Tanya,
chairs scraping, pencil sharpener grinding.
Ask the school
occupational therapist for sensory-friendly ideas for the classroom. It's
actually good for all kids, not just me.
4. Provide me a
break to allow for self-regulation before I need it. A
quiet, carpeted corner of the room with some pillows, books and headphones
allows me a place to go to re-group when I feel overwhelmed, but isn't so far
physically removed that I won't be able to rejoin the activity flow of the
classroom smoothly.
5. Tell me what
you want me to do in the positive rather than the imperative.
"You left a mess by the sink!" is merely a statement of fact to me.
I'm not able to infer that what you really mean is "Please rinse out your
paint cup and put the paper towels in the trash." Don't make me guess or
have to figure out what I should do.
6. Keep your
expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly with
hundreds of kids packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about the candy
sale is uncomfortable and meaningless to me. Maybe I'd be better off helping
the school secretary put together the newsletter.
7. Help me
transition between activities. It takes me a little longer to motor
plan moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minute warning and a
two-minute warning before an activity changes – and build a few extra minutes
in on your end to compensate.
A simple clock
face or timer on my desk gives me a visual cue as to the time of the next
transition and helps me handle it more independently.
8. Don't make a
bad situation worse. I know that even though you are a
mature adult, you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of the moment. I
truly don't mean to melt down, show anger or otherwise disrupt your classroom.
You can help me get over it more quickly by not responding with inflammatory
behavior of your own. Beware of these responses that prolong rather than
resolve a crisis:
•
Raising pitch or volume of your voice.
I hear the yelling and shrieking, but not the words.
•
Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm,
insults or name-calling will not embarrass me out of the behavior.
•
Making unsubstantiated accusations
•
Invoking a double standard
•
Comparing me to a sibling or other
student
•
Bringing up previous or unrelated events
•
Lumping me into a general category
("kids like you are all the same")
9. Criticize
gently. Be honest – how good are you at accepting
"constructive" criticism? Thematurity and self-confidence to be able
to do that may be far beyond my abilities right now.
•
Please! Never, ever try to
impose discipline or correction when I am angry, distraught, overstimulated,
shut down, anxious or otherwise emotionally unable to interact with you.
•
Again, remember that I will react as
much, if not more, to the qualities of your voice than to the actual words. I
will hear the shouting and the annoyance, but I will not understand the words
and therefore will not be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low
tones and lower your body as well, so that you are communicating on my level
rather than towering over me.
•
Help me understand the inappropriate
behavior in a supportive, problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding
me. Help me pin down the feelings that triggered the behavior. I may say I was
angry but maybe I was afraid, frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first
response.
•
Practice or role-play – show me—a
better way to handle the situation next time. A storyboard, photo essay or
social story helps. Expect to role-play lots over time. There are no one-time
fixes. And when I do get it right "next time," tell me right away.
•
It helps me if you yourself are
modeling proper behavior for responding to criticism.
10. Offer real
choices – and only real choices. Don't offer me a choice or ask
a "Do you want…?" question unless are willing to accept no for an
answer. "No" may be my honest answer to "Do you want to read out
loud now?" or "Would you like to share paints with William?"
It's hard for me to trust you when choices are not really choices at all.
You take for
granted the amazing number of choices you have on a daily basis. You constantly
choose one option over others knowing that both having choices and being
able to choose provides you control over your life and future. For me,
choices are much more limited, which is why it can be harder to feel confident
about myself. Providing me with frequent choices helps me become more actively
engaged in everyday life.
•
Whenever possible, offer a choice
within a 'have-to'. Rather than saying: "Write your name and the date on
the top of the page," say: "Would you like to write your name first,
or would you like to write the date first?" or "Which would you like
to write first, letters or numbers?" Follow by showing me: "See how
Jason is writing his name on his paper?"
•
Giving me choices helps me learn
appropriate behavior, but I also need to understand that there will be times
when you can't. When this happens, I won't get as frustrated if I understand
why:
1. "I
can't give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous. You might
get hurt."
2. "I
can't give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny" (have
negative effect on another child).
3. "I give
you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adult choice."
The last word: believe.
That car guy Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or whether you
think you can't, you are usually right." Believe that you can make a
difference for me. It requires accommodation and adaptation, but autism is an
open-ended learning difference. There are no inherent upper limits on
achievement. I can sense far more than I can communicate, and the number one
thing I can sense is whether you think I "can do it." Encourage me to
be everything I can be, so that I can continue to grow and succeed long after
I've left your classroom.
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